Here’s the Real Difference Between How Men and Women Brag About Sex

Bragging about intercourse is as outdated as — nicely, intercourse itself. People have all the time felt compelled to share tales in regards to the intercourse they’d final evening (and what number of occasions, and in what positions!)

Whether it occurs within the group chat or on the weekly boys’ evening out, intercourse brags are omnipresent. However, that doesn’t imply that every one intercourse brags are created equal. Some are enjoyable — and humorous — to listen to, whereas others are simply plain distasteful.

What is it about intercourse discuss that’s totally different for straight women and men? When it involves girls, we image a bunch of Sex and the City-type girls laughing a few blowjob. It’s enjoyable and sassy. But when males focus on intercourse, it may usually really feel cliché (at finest) and offensive (at worst). Nobody needs to listen to a person peacock about his intercourse life!

I’m going to interrupt down why that complicated gender distinction exists — and the way males can get higher at speaking about intercourse.

‘Locker-Room Talk’ Is The Norm For Men

“Dude, I need to get laid. It’s been a couple months since I had sex.”
“Can’t relate, bro. I got lucky last night.”

Talking about intercourse is commonly a bonding exercise for males, therefore the label ‘locker-room talk.’ When a person exhibits off in regards to the sizzling one-night stand he had final evening, he’s reinforcing what’s anticipated of him. Part of being an alpha male is bedding plenty of girls: It’s a standing image for straight males in the identical means a sizzling girlfriend is, or an costly new automotive is. That’s why it’s by no means distinctive to listen to a person discuss all of the intercourse he’s having. There’s no novelty to it!

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Think a few man who isn’t very sexually lively. It can be embarrassing for him to confess “Yeah, I haven’t had sex in a year.” He would turn into somebody to commiserate with or pity. Similarly, we will’t comprehend of a masculine man who doesn’t have a excessive intercourse drive. “A male virgin” is a punchline in itself (which is why plenty of male comics joke about their dismal intercourse lives!)

…But Often Radical For Women

In sharp distinction, girls speaking about intercourse are being subversive. We nonetheless stay in a society that shames girls for being too sexual: Men flow into memes of ladies’s “roast-beef pussies”, and there’s loads of individuals who consider intercourse makes girls free down there (which, for the document, has been scientifically disproven).

It’s no marvel that ladies are frightened about seeming slutty if they’ve intercourse with a number of males. That’s why it’s refreshing or fascinating to listen to girls discuss nonchalantly about having informal intercourse: They’re going towards the norm.

Are Men Exaggerating (Or Just Lying About It)?

“I banged the hottest girl last night, man. She looked like a cross between Emma Roberts and Emma Watson.”

“Sure, man.”

Sure, man. That’s usually our response to males speaking about intercourse! If they declare to have a number of intercourse companions per week, or to routinely banging Victoria’s Secret supermodel wannabes, we’re suspicious of them. The precept is just like bragging about how wealthy you might be: Men lie with the intention to look good.

The factor about intercourse is that it requires a sure a part of effort on the a part of cis males — it’s, in any case, an train that requires vitality and stamina. That’s why it’s higher for males to be considerably reserved in the case of their sexual prowess. Resist the urge to inform folks that you simply obtained laid 4 occasions final evening! Even in the event you did handle to have intercourse 4 occasions final evening, what’s the purpose of commercial that appears like a lie?

The Vocabulary Is Just Plain Different For Women

Think in regards to the slang we generally affiliate with males speaking about intercourse:

“I hit that!” 
“Yeah, I smashed.”
“I’m gonna tear that p*ssy up.”
“Man, I wrecked her.” 
“I can’t wait to tap that ass.”
“I screwed the shit out of her.”
“I’m banging the hottest girl right now.”

You’ve in all probability heard a man say each a type of strains. What have they got in frequent? They all body intercourse as one thing you do to a lady, as a substitute of with her.

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In this state of affairs, the lady isn’t very totally different from a tennis ball or another inanimate object! (Not to say — the violence of those phrases usually implies that she didn’t even take pleasure in it.) The brag isn’t for her, it’s for you: It’s essentially the most egocentric kind of brag. 

When girls discuss intercourse, in the meantime, it tends to not be as dehumanizing:

“Yeah, my boyfriend and I fucked three times last night, I’m exhausted today.”

They communicate extra of intercourse as a joint exercise — one thing that each events take pleasure in collectively. It can be refreshing to listen to a person communicate of intercourse in the identical means. Describe intercourse in less-cringey phrases — discuss how good the intercourse you might have with a selected particular person is, versus how good you are at Doing Sex To Her™.

Bragging To Women About Being Good In Bed? Big Nope

One notable factor in regards to the viral time period “big dick energy” is that not one of the males related to it needed to say they’d it. Sexual confidence is like that — it’s obvious, it doesn’t have to announce itself! If you inform a lady on Tinder that you’ve got a giant dick, or that you simply’re a magician in mattress, it’s embarrassing. It’s a significantly better thought to attend and let her discover out for herself.

When it involves intercourse brags, bear in mind the golden rule: Less is extra. Maintain an air of secrecy, and also you’ll usually come off wanting significantly better than in the event you bragged.

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