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Grieving Men Don’t Often Seek Help, and That Needs to Change

Grieving Men Don’t Often Seek Help — Here’s Why That Needs to Change

Grief is usually related to waves as a result of it washes over you for an prolonged time period earlier than slipping away, leaving you with a lingering residue. 

And grieving does not observe a schedule, coming at you with out warning at any time. That’s why you might be absolutely entitled to really feel and launch any self-judgment you is likely to be holding onto as an alternative of suppressing your feelings.

RELATED: The Best Way to Help a Partner Coping with Grief, According to Experts

If you’re within the midst of experiencing grief over one thing — an individual, pet, or complete relationship — though it could possibly really feel like you’re the solely individual feeling this fashion, you’re not alone.  

What Is Grief?

“Grief is a human experience in response to loss,” explains James Hartley, a BACP registered counselor and psychotherapist. “Predominantly this is when we lose someone in our lives whom we have had some form of a relationship with, but this can also be extended to include things beyond people, for instance, a career, a sense of identity, a role in the family, or even an item of belonging.”

When paired with an annual life occasion, it could possibly really feel particularly delicate, irrespective of your interval of grieving started yesterday or over 40 years in the past. Not solely are your experiences legitimate, however you might be entitled to really feel feelings for the occasions that impacted your life it doesn’t matter what age or life stage you might be in.

What Are the Five Stages of Grief?

You can by no means absolutely put together for the way grief will affect your life and the feelings it’ll fire up inside you. According to a idea developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, there are 5 levels of the grieving course of: denial, anger, bargaining, despair, and acceptance. While some individuals may expertise most of those levels, it gained’t be relevant to everybody, nor will or not it’s in the identical order. 

Hartley additionally says the state of the connection and circumstance of the loss contributes to the way in which you grieve. 

“[It is] a confusing experience because people can often get by day to day and function and yet, they feel this strange feeling that they cannot put their finger on,” he tells AsokMen. “A feeling which is present everywhere they go, kind of like an underground river that’s constantly flowing, that every once in a while when it rains heavily, the river bursts up to the surface and suddenly it’s everywhere.” 

Common Behaviors of Someone within the Midst of Grieving

The attainable reactions to grief are infinite. As we’re all distinctive people, our responses will rely on the conditions and our particular person perceptions.

That mentioned, among the most typical traits exhibited when grieving embrace:

  • Feeling like you might be working on autopilot
  • Forgetting the loss earlier than remembering moments later
  • Experiencing a scarcity of enthusiasm for beforehand pleasurable actions
  • Either holding onto belongings or eliminating every thing
  • Wanting to focus your consideration on staying busy 
  • Lacking of power to carry out even easy duties
  • Speaking in regards to the loss to really feel a way of possession over it

Grief will also be straight linked to emotions of tension and despair. Dr. Michel Mennesson, MD, a psychiatrist at Newport Healthcare, explains “depression is a mood disorder which can start without any loss (contrary to grief), and is a persistent feeling of sadness that may last longer than periods of grief. It is often complicated with sleep and appetite disturbances.”

He goes on, including that “grief from losses or traumatic events can often lead to someone developing depression especially if this loss results in a decrease in social contacts, social activities, or social stimulation.” 

Additional analysis from AFSP exhibits a considerably greater share of male suicides within the U.S. in comparison with ladies, with hyperlinks being discovered between grief and a flip to suicide. As a method to assist lighten the emotional toll, Mennesson says “sometimes the feeling of grief can be all-consuming which leads people to believe there is no way out or no possible way this feeling could dissipate. This happens especially during a very significant loss of a relationship that is totally unexpected, like discovering that someone cheated on us, or someone is breaking up with us. This loss may feel intolerable with suicide as the only option at the time. This underscores the importance of checking in with someone who is experiencing grief.”  

If somebody is feeling depressed or suicidal, he additionally notes how essential it’s “to talk with them, listen to how they are feeling, and discuss ways to get them help. Don’t be afraid to start a conversation with the person and let them know that you’re there for them. This is not the time to hesitate to help a friend or loved one.” 

How to Properly Support Someone Dealing With Grief

While grief isn’t one thing you’ll be able to simply absolve your self of or repair solely, there are methods to deal with acceptance as you progress on together with your day by day life-style. Learning to stay with these emotions takes time, however it’s attainable by means of totally different coping strategies.

“It is important to recognize that a loss that we may think was resolved may still bother us,” says Mennesson. “A recent or even distant breakup may not be fully resolved even if we think that we are over it. Looking at possible losses in our lives may be a start in coping with grief. So, instead of thinking of these coping methods as a solution or cure, think of them more as a way to help soothe you.”

A Change in Mindset

“A very important thing about grief is learning how to respond to it when it arises,” explains Hartley. “Whilst naturally you could want to run away from how you’re feeling, what will be actually useful is paying particular consideration to your moment-to-moment expertise, even when it is actually troublesome. This is also referred to as mindfulness.” 

He shares that noticing and gently accepting your expertise can assist you join with self-compassion and assess your wants, and by doing what serves you as a result of by slowing down, you’ll start to take heed to how you’re feeling.


Opening your thoughts to the follow of prayer or meditation cannot solely be very therapeutic, however it may be finished virtually anyplace so long as you’re feeling snug. Meditation is a method of calming down the ideas in your head by drawing away your consideration from the exterior with a spotlight in your respiratory and connection of your thoughts and physique.

“Personally, I might suggest attending an precise 8-week mindfulness course moderately than merely downloading an app as a result of receiving in-person tuition on this highly effective follow could make an enormous distinction,” says Hartley. Mindfulness is scientifically supported to help navigate grief along with improving your mental, emotional and physical wellbeing.”

Nourishing Your Body 

Dr. Oluseun Olufade recommends consuming fermented meals similar to yogurt, cheese, cereals, and tea to assist enhance the intestine flora, which will increase the manufacturing of serotonin within the physique.

Also, incorporating Omega-3 fish oil, which will be present in fish like salmon, performs an enormous position in mind improvement and cell signaling, serving to the mind carry out higher. Olufade recommends having about 250-500mg day by day as a result of it has been confirmed that Omega-3 fatty acids can assist affect and enhance your temper.


Therapy is available in totally different types: counseling, hypnotherapy, therapeutic massage, CBT (cognitive behavioral remedy), EMDR (eye motion desensitization and reprocessing), amongst others. Talking, retracing previous experiences, and tapping or massaging particular locations in your physique can assist to launch suppressed trauma that is likely to be saved within the thoughts and the physique. 

Due to the private and susceptible nature of those processes, it’s all the time suggested to hunt recommendation and steering from a professionally skilled and registered skilled. 

If you or somebody is experiencing grief and would love assist, you could find free and inexpensive on-line sources on-line together with Talkspace, What’s Up?, Ten Percent Happier, SAMHSA, Psychology Today, and Better Help. Your physician may also refer you to an area therapist or psychological well being skilled.

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