Seven Hilarious Quotes That Will Make You Wash Your Hands Before Hooking Up

Let me set the scene: You’re proper on the cusp of a hookup. You’re on the sofa, or the mattress, does not matter — all that issues is that you just’re making out with one another. Making out tremendous onerous. With the fervour of a thousand suns and a livid depth that will make your forefathers drop their corncob pipes and blush. Right now, the entire universe is a pair of lips hooked up to yours. 

And then you definately bear in mind your arms. Right! I’ve arms! Dude. I ought to use them. So you begin creeping these fingers of yours in the direction of the Underwear Zone. It’s… Fingering Time™. 

But wait. When was the final time you washed your arms? This afternoon, proper? And trimmed your fingernails? Last… Tuesday in all probability? Who even cares, you suppose. We’re each sexy, and the second is magical. Let’s create a monument to human love that can final for hundreds of years. Or not less than hopefully I’ll make her orgasm

Well this article for Women’s Health Mag seems to be on the state of dudes’ arms once they finger ladies. And, we’ll be sincere with you, it is not fairly. Let’s check out what these guys needed to say when interviewed: 

The Magic Germ-Free World

“It never occurred to me to wash my hands and now I’m faintly mortified. I wash my hands every time I enter a house so I feel sooooort of covered. Sex just feels like a magic world where germs don’t exist and nothing is disgusting.” — Scott, 29

The Spontaneous Lover

“No. I do not wash my hands immediately before. Much like I don’t run to the bathroom to brush my teeth immediately before kissing her, or interrupt a spontaneous couch session to sterilize my dick with Purell. ‘Hang on a sec, gurl—let me boil this D real quick.’ I find this to be unromantic, impractical, and generally useless given the realities of sterile technique.” — Chris, 32

“From Something Gnarly”

“I never thought about it, so no, I don’t. Unless I’m particularly gross from being outside or handling something gnarly, but then it’s probably more of a ‘I’m going to take a shower before we get naked’ versus ‘I’m going to wash my hands before fingerblasting you long enough for one of us to go down on the other one.’” — Dale, 30

“A Blind Faith In The Natural Cleaning Powers Of A Vagina”

“Hand-washing before sex is not something I think of as vitally necessary, like a condom. I guess I tend to operate with a blind faith in the natural cleaning powers of a vagina. The best I can say for myself is that I make sure my nails are trimmed.” — Steven, 35

Mr. Subway Pole Germs

“I guess there’s probably been a time when I introduced subway pole germs directly into a vagina, which is horrifying. Then again, not sure how dirty some of the hands to touch my dick have been, so I’m not going to beat myself up too much.” — Mike, 31

The Post-Jalapeño Incident

“I had a post-jalapeño incident a long time ago that seemed like a real game-changer, but in general I am maybe a little ashamed to admit that I don’t go wash my hands beforehand. It will sometimes end up that I have indeed just washed my hands, but not due to a concerted effort that I can remember. It has also never been requested.” — Jon, 34

The General Muck

“I usually wash up before coming out of the bathroom, or after cooking, or after anything with obvious dirt/germ ramifications. But I’ve never isolated the finger(s) for special sanitizing or treated the act with particular care, like a surgeon in the surgery room putting on gloves, etc. So the general muck from handling a computer or phone or a remote could be a problem.” —Thomas, 36

The excellent news? You’re… in all probability OK. Because vaginas really are self-cleansing, to some extent. But since antibacterial cleaning soap can mess with a vagina’s pure pH steadiness, the massive takeaway right here is simply to scrub your arms proper after you do something gross, not proper earlier than you contact a vagina. 

Oh, and in addition: Trim and clear your nails. Regularly. Because scratching her down there and getting nasty gunk within the minimize is not only a one-way ticket to Infection City, it is also a serious strike for those who’re hoping to be invited again to the Underwear Zone for Fingering Time™ once more. 

You Might Also Dig:

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *